i just got finished looking at pictures of chistopher daniel shabaglian! so cute. i mean probably the cutest little baby boy ive ever seen. look at him there with his daddy! i have a picture like that with my daddy too.

its hard when others peoples joy brings back memories of your pain. it makes me want to say to myself, "thats dumb, cant you just be happy for someone for once and stop thinking about yourself?" and i try to, i really do. i am just browsing along smiling at all the wonderfully cute pictures and thinking happy thoughts when WHAM! its like someone hit me in the gut and all the sudden i have a tight feeling in my chest. when i saw this picture... it just took me down. the reason for that is that the picture that i had like this with my dad was the one thing that made me question all these years whether or not he really did love me. through the hard times, through a lot of broken promises and emotional abuse i just looked at that picture and told myself there was a reason to hold on to hope. but i stopped believing that a couple of years ago. and when i see in jon's eyes that he truly loves christopher and he is never going to walk away from that love it causes me to mourn for love my father walked away from.

nevertheless, he is the cutest baby ever.

angela