i watched i am legend tonight. it was not that good for me because a lot of the movie was centered around robert neville's intense loneliness. when he was in the video store saying hello to the manequin after his dog died... and he started crying and begging the manequin to say hello back... man that hit me right in the heart. there are points when i really feel like that. like i am sitting in my car and i am just crying and i just want to hear from someone anyone i just want someone to say hello back. loneliness... i think it must be the deepest rooted problem of my soul because i can never stop thinking about it... i am more lonely around friends sometime then i am when i am just sitting by myself. there is something inside of me that is just so untouched, so unreached, so unloved. i feel like i havent been touched in years. i miss hugs, shoulders to cry on, honestly caring and compassionate physical representations of affection. i miss kisses. as revealing as that is to say on a post... its absolutely true. i miss protective arms. although i dont really know how i can miss those things because ive only really tasted and seen quickly passing shadows of the real things. so maybe missing isnt the right word, maybe its just more of a longing for things i have never known.

im am sure even as i am writing this that there are multitudes of people out there who are longing for the same things. there is probably another girl about my age very near by sitting at her computer and imaging strong and warm arms just coming around her and saying everything is going to be ok. sometimes that is how i get through my day. imagination.