it has never really been that i have felt like i am writing to no one at all.

my brain really doesnt have the concept of "no one". i cannot exist by myself, and therefore have never even cotemplated singular existance. and even as i have rambled on in my blogs during the years... i have always felt like there was someone out there to read them. even if that person didnt exist right now... someday someone would come along and they would be like... oh how interesting... and what i said would matter to them and they would want to ask questions and know more. it never even mattered to me that my words might be stored in a time capsule for years until they mattered to someone else. words ferment with time, like wine and cheese, the longer they are left alone the richer and deeper they taste.

but tonight, i kind of do feel like that. the belief in a future historian is like a little spark in my soul that wont quite be extinguished with the lack of a present obeserver, but everyday it gets a little smaller. i never quite realized how much i loved to be asked questions until i stopped being asked them. i never quite appriciated how good it feels for someone to say to you "how are you doing today?". it is totally the Lord that He has kept a friend in my life who is willing to make the effort and take the time to ask me stuff like that. cause without that i really dont know where i would be.

have you ever been excited and curious about the contents of someones heart? like a walk through their personallity, their hopes and dreams, their fears and desires, their thoughts and ideas, is like an adventure through a glorious and overflowing garden. just like i think its so cool to know that in ancient egypt, anytime they drew a human being it was kept to the exact same scale as every other drawing of a human being in egypt for four thousand years. can you imagine? i mean just imagine. if every representation of a human being you saw in movies, tv, paintings, pictures, look just like... brad pitt. for the next four thousand years the only image that is used to represent humans is brad pitt. that is really very interesting to think about. but back to my point, all i was saying is that just like i get excited about that, i get excited about you. you are a wonderland, so to speak. a treasure. a mysterious gift.

so yeah, tired. randomness complete.

angela

p.s. to that future historian who is reading this, thanks for reading and thinking. you are a warm gooey substance in my soul. a warm sticky bun on a cold winter morning. thank you.