hey its me again. have you noticed how my posts have been incessant lately? i just cant stop. i am just crawling out of my skin... like i have cabin fever of the soul. my thoughts, ideas, feelings, desires, they just need to get out of me. i cant explain it but i have never experienced such a drought of people to talk to. i am just totally lost as of what to do. sometimes i am just seriously grieving, other times i am just ok, other times i am rejoicing in the Lord and His providence. Lord please help me. please just send me an angel from heaven like in touched by an angel where they were so nice and sweet and glowy. i keep feeling like i want to tell the Lord, " Lord i cant do this, this is not the life for me." but at the same time i dont because i have a persistant recognition that i really have no idea what is best for me in comparison to the Lord's understanding of my needs, wants, and desires. but i do seriously question how long it can go on like this.... and how long it will. is my family next? is God's purpose in this time to strip me of everything i hold dear until literally all i have is Him? i have a hard time understanding that. i have a hard why God would not want me to have friends and family. i dont know what to believe about His character or His way of doing things. there is so much in the bible... i cant seem to find a clear answer. there could be so many reasons this is happening... it could be anyone of a lot of things He commands me to do. Obedience, fear of the Lord, humility, worship, honor. where do i even start to figure out what he wants me to in this particular situation. i dont know.
angela
*edit: p.s. its like i am screaming with my words. screaming screaming screaming in forest full of dead trees and still water.
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