so this is my outlet i guess and i have a lot of things i want to let out.

1. not watching tv and movies is really hard, especially when you are stressed out and you just want to chill. cause the truth is... if you have a drug... which most of us do to some extent... nothing is going to make us feel like it does. nothing is going to hit the spot. you just have to wait until there is no spot anymore.

2. change is upon me and yet... i dont embrace it. sometimes i would like to throw myself full force into what is coming... do you realize what is coming? we are on a boat on the edge of niagra falls... we are in a temporary space of illusion sitting on the edge of the waterfall of God's deep and jealous love... WE ARE ABOUT TO FALL... or perhaps we have already fallen... in love with Christ Jesus. how can we imagine? sometimes its hard. its hard to live out something you cant see or hear. but i think God knows that... and i think thats why He posses such an abundant empathy for our stuggle... such an abundant compassion on our weak hearts. sometimes i wonder... when is that day? tomorrow? at one thing? soon after? when am i going to have that day when its just like... i can talk to God like he is real... sitting next to me. i dont know... but i wait in eager anticipation for deeper revalation, deeper vision, deeper hearing, deeper love.

3. i am also kind of sad at the same time. maybe its beacuse of all the unassuredness in my life... it makes me feel like i have no skin. like i am very sensitive to what happens in my close friendships... maybe its dumb. or maybe sometimes i need some gentleness. i think a lot of people pretend to not care about stuff but they do. stuff hurts them but they dont realize it or they are so used to it they dont notice it or they just forget about it. but i am brutally self aware. its kind of not good sometimes... good other times.

4. what i wouldn't give for a good hug sometimes.

5. i think that we are exceptionally beautiful women. me and my two girlfriends that is. we are gorgeous. one of us has sparkling bright eyes and a perfectly shaped faced, the other just always looks so nice and femine, and i... well... i dont really want to say anything about myself but i will tell you that i believe i am beautiful woman. but i am overweight. i mourn that fact... because the amazing beautiful women God has created are a little bit dimmed by culture, stress, and convienience. i mean we could all be heartbreakers! i really think they are exceptionally beautiful women.

6. tomorrow is the last sunday at clovis west. thank goodness!

7. i have some prayer requests. a. wisdom b. dreams c. patience

imagine that blanket of compassion falling all around you...

angela