about three times a day i would say i feel like i have just woken up out of nightmare. its like... whoa... all of the sudden... what the heck am i doing here? placeholder is the new yet old nickname of the enemy. silent screamer you are says he. placid rapids. sweet shock tart. oh darling, dont you wish it mattered when you said something? dont you wish you could change what they think about. oh yes dearest... you keep on trying that believing thing... thats working out real well for you isn't it? *chuckle chuckle I thought you didnt watch that anymore... that lasted long. thats the plan my beauty, lose em all just to gain three more back. find yourself on the edge of innocence pulling at the threads of his robe but then ill caress your desires and youll be back at the bottom again. as blind in the dark as you are in the light. find yourself ignorant, immature, worthless, find yourself alone. like the first time, and the second, and the third. like every single gruelingly patient day you wait for the invisible hope and the fire that never burns.